Tricia Hoffman He is a mental health and mental health expert that we have loved for years. In her new book F the shoulds. Do whatever you want, you’ll find a clear summary of the empowering message it has been inspiring its high-profile clients for so long.
Tricia’s personal journey and mental work have a lot to do with the abolition of “should”. Here’s why she thinks that removing just one word from your vocabulary can change your life…
You may not think so, but the truth is that you probably live a life full of “what should” – big and small every day.
Do any of these ideas sound familiar:
+ I should have woken up earlier.
+ I don’t have to be on my phone yet.
+ I should be able to wear this dress.
+ I should be able to focus better when I meditate.
+ I shouldn’t have said yes to meet today.
All of these “must-haves” add up and weigh us down daily. What should come may come in the form of jealousy and comparison – the feeling that you should have something or that they shouldn’t. Perhaps these comparisons will make you feel that you should go on with your life.
Things can also look like shame, guilt, or remorse, feeling that you should have done things differently or should have known you better.
Once you begin to tune in to your thoughts and feelings about this word often used in our modern vocabulary, you will discover that it sucks joy out of you.
At one point in my life, I was the last person I thought was living a “should” life. I was living my biggest dream as a live sound engineer touring the world with global icons. And when I wasn’t getting paid to go around the world on tour, I did it on my own. A holiday in March meant a yoga retreat in Bali. Low dates in December have led to backpacking in Costa Rica. I lovable My life and I lived my way. I didn’t “must” myself. Or so I thought – until the news of my father’s sudden death changed my life forever.
I was about to leave on another world tour starting in Australia when I received the news of my father being found dead. He was 58 years old and in good health.
This sudden loss shocked me so much that after a few weeks of wailing behind my audio console on tour, I chose to stop not just the tour, but my audio career. I had no idea what I was going to do next, but I wanted to shake everyone I passed on the street and yell at them, “Wake up! Your life may end today! Live your life. Be alive in your life!”
I felt deep in my bones that I had to wake people up to regain joy in their lives and not let life pass them by. And I got an internal message telling me to kick the word should Completely out of my life.
Prior to this life-changing moment of my life, I didn’t think of myself as someone who lives a “should” life, but I quickly realized just how much I “should” to myself all day!
From morning to evening, I held myself …
+ I have to get out of bed.
+ I have to do yoga.
+ I should have gone to bed early.
+ What should I eat for breakfast?
+ I should not drink coffee. I have to have tea.
+ I shouldn’t have eaten that.
+ What should I do next?
I was shocked at how many times the word, thought, and feeling came up! I realized pretty quickly that if I really wanted to get the word out of my vocabulary, I had to find another word to replace it. After some trials, it was the word I landed on Wants. And what a difference a single word exchange made!
Moving from “should” to “desire”
By making a deliberate shift from “should” to “want,” I quickly gained distinct self-awareness and a deep connection to myself.
I no longer inadvertently lag behind what should be rooted in my way of living. Instead, using the word “want” I learned to question my choices, to make clear what I wanted and what motivated me.
Instead of looking for the answers outside myself, I’ve learned to constantly come back to myself with a simple but powerful question: what do I want?
By constantly switching this word from must to want, I reveal my true thoughts, beliefs, and motives more clearly. Instead of being weighed down by the doubts, the fears, the shame, the guilt, and the inadequate stories I’ve been telling myself—”should” to myself—I can now meet myself with compassion as I ask, “Am I really Wants To believe these things? “
This simple practice connects me deeply with my intuition, allowing me to fully listen, trust, and believe in myself. It guides me in saying no to things I don’t want to do without feeling guilty and releasing old patterns and ideas about who I am and what I should do, be, or say.
This simple practice leads me to set limits and let go of procrastination. I feel more empowered to take action in my daily life to claim my joy and purpose.
You probably – just like me – don’t even realize how often you use the word should Because it is an integral part of our language. TThe truth is that this person used to use it Keywords can keep you in a state of doubt, fear, comparison, and self-judgment all day long. By unconsciously overusing that one word, you may be carrying a load of disappointment, shame, and guilt that you don’t have to bear. It should make you outsource all of your life choices, big and small.
Living a life that should cause us to chase feelings of contentment, seeking validation from the outside world, rather than within.
You should put your self-worth outside of your scope. By paraphrasing your thoughts and intentions with the word “want” you come home You are.
The word “should” may only be six letters long, but the words matter. Our daily choices matter. The little things are important. By turning just one word, we become more aware of the everyday choices available to us.
Explore this whole life hack and read it F The Shoulds. do you want. Know who you are, what you want and why you want it. Join Tricia by claiming! Podcast, your Joyologist’s product line, and own your own awesome daily inspiration app.